The Unwritten Rules of Career Success

In the 1990s, psychologist Carol Dweck gave a group of middle school students a set of puzzles. Some were easy. Some weren’t meant to be solved at all.

What interested her wasn’t who got the right answers—but how they reacted when they couldn’t. Some got frustrated. Some gave up. But a few students did something unusual. They paused. They watched. They started looking not just at the puzzle, but at what the puzzle wasn’t saying. They were trying to solve something bigger.

It turns out, those students weren’t just good at puzzles. They were good at systems. And they may have been rehearsing—without realizing it—for the modern workplace.

Because in most jobs, there are two types of rules. There are the ones printed in the handbook: meet deadlines, communicate clearly, stay organized.

And then, there are the others.

The ones that are harder to define. Harder to teach. But impossible to ignore.

The Amy-Max Problem

Let’s say you have two coworkers: Amy and Max.

Amy is every manager’s dream on paper—she’s reliable, sharp, and delivers work that’s always on time. She doesn’t complain. She doesn’t slack off.

Max is... different. He’s less consistent. He misses the occasional detail. But Max knows everyone’s name. He chats easily with senior leadership. He offers ideas in meetings, even if they’re not perfect.

A promotion opens up. Max gets it.

Why?

Because success at work isn’t just about doing the job well. It’s about navigating the unwritten expectations that float beneath the surface.

Five Unwritten Rules of Career Success

1. Relationships > Résumés

In 1973, sociologist Mark Granovetter introduced a phrase that would become famous in job hunting: “the strength of weak ties.” His research showed that people were more likely to land a job through casual acquaintances than close friends.

It’s counterintuitive. You’d expect those closest to you to open doors. But it’s often the broader network—the people who slightly know you—that pull you into new opportunities.

Why? Because those people think of you when it counts. They’re not weighing how good your résumé is—they’re remembering how they felt in a five-minute hallway chat. That’s often all it takes.

In the workplace, it’s no different. We think promotions are based on performance. They’re often based on trust. And trust is built through relationships.

2. Influence Lives in Silence

We assume meetings are about ideas. But more often, they’re about status.

Who talks first? Who interrupts? Who gets interrupted?

In one study of team dynamics, researchers found that influence had less to do with who had the best ideas—and more to do with who sounded confident, spoke early, and spoke often.

It’s not always fair. But it’s revealing.

Learning to read a room—really read it—means watching not just what’s said, but how people respond. Who nods. Who glances at whom. Where the energy goes.

Careers are built not just by speaking, but by noticing when silence is louder.

3. Visibility Isn’t Vanity

In 2008, Google launched a study called Project Oxygen to find out what made their best managers different. The result surprised them.

It wasn’t technical skill. It was communication. Follow-through. Visibility.

That doesn’t mean bragging. It means making sure your contributions aren’t buried in a spreadsheet or hidden behind a group effort.

Consider the difference between:

• “I completed the report.”

• And: “I worked with Alex and Priya to finish the Q2 report ahead of schedule. One insight that stood out was…”

Same work. Different visibility.

We admire humility. But we remember what we see.

4. Politics Is Just Strategy With a Bad Reputation

Most people say they hate office politics. What they usually mean is: they don’t want to play games.

But politics, at its core, is just the study of influence. It’s how decisions are made—officially or unofficially.

You don’t need to gossip or play favorites. But you do need to understand how the system works. Who has power. Who people listen to. Which values get rewarded, and which just get lip service.

That awareness isn’t manipulation. It’s emotional intelligence, applied professionally.

5. Timing Isn’t Everything—But It’s Close

In baseball, the best players are often born just after the league's age cutoff. That tiny age advantage—being the oldest on the field—translates into more playing time, better coaching, and eventually, better careers.

It’s called the relative age effect. And it matters.

In careers, the equivalent is timing.

Ask for a raise when the company’s just missed quarterly goals? Probably not ideal. Pitch a new idea right after a round of layoffs? Too risky.

But catch the right moment—when leadership is hopeful, budgets are open, or your last success is fresh—and the same ask can land completely differently.

The best employees aren’t just good. They know when to be good.

So, What’s the Real Skill?

Maybe success at work isn’t just about performance. Maybe it’s about pattern recognition.

The most successful people don’t just work hard—they notice what others miss:

• The moment when silence speaks louder than words.

• The person who doesn’t speak often—but whose words always carry weight.

• The project that doesn’t seem big—until it suddenly is.

They learn the rules most people don’t know exist. And they follow them on purpose.

The Five Rules (Quick Recap)

1. Build relationships — People trust people they know.

2. Read the room — Influence isn’t always loud.

3. Be visible — Let your work be seen, not just done.

4. Stay politically aware — Strategy is not dishonesty.

5. Use timing wisely — Good ideas need the right moment.

Final Thought

I’ve seen brilliant, hardworking people get stuck—quietly waiting for recognition that never came. And I’ve seen average performers rise quickly, simply because they understood how the system worked.

The difference wasn’t talent. It was awareness.

You don’t need to become someone else to succeed. You just need to learn the rules nobody writes down.

Now that you know, what will you do with that?