The Myth of the Mentor

The Myth of the Mentor

When we picture a mentor, we usually imagine someone older, wiser, and maybe just a little intimidating. They’ve “made it.” They know what to say. They’ll hand you the roadmap.

But here’s the thing:
Roadmaps only help if you already know where you're trying to go.

And most of us don’t.

That’s the paradox. You think a mentor will give you clarity—but finding the right mentor often requires some clarity to begin with.

So maybe the better question is:
What kind of conversation do you need right now?

The Three Conversations

Over the years, researchers and leaders have quietly come to agree on something: mentorship isn’t one-size-fits-all. In fact, most meaningful growth conversations fall into one of three buckets:

1. Validation

You’re doing the work—but imposter syndrome won’t shut up. You need someone to say, “Yes, you’re on track. Keep going.”

2. Direction

You’re facing a fork in the road—career move, opportunity, identity shift—and both options look hazy. You want help navigating.

3. Challenge

You’ve plateaued. You’re repeating patterns. You need someone to push you, kindly but firmly, out of your own echo chamber.

The key is this: not everyone needs all three. Not at the same time.
And often, not from the same person.

You Might Need a Mentor If…

• You’re tired of guessing what “good” looks like

• You’re trying to shift roles, industries, or identity

• You’re stuck between options—and neither one feels obvious

• You want feedback from someone who’s not a boss, friend, or algorithm

A good mentor doesn’t just help you get ahead. They help you see further.

But Maybe You Don’t

Sometimes, you don’t need a mentor. You need space. Or therapy. Or a better calendar. Or someone to tell you what you already know—but haven’t accepted.

You might already be surrounded by informal mentors:
A sharp coworker. A generous peer. A manager who actually listens.

Mentorship isn’t always about finding someone. Sometimes it’s about recognizing who’s already there.

If You Are Looking

Don’t lead with “Will you be my mentor?”
That’s too much, too soon.

Instead, pay attention to who challenges your thinking. Start a conversation. Ask a smart question. Follow up.

Mentorship, when it works, starts with curiosity—not a contract.

If You’re Not

Then keep going. Build momentum. Share your work. Reflect.

Ironically, the best mentors often appear once you’ve already started moving.
They notice motion. They’re drawn to it.

And they’ll take you further—not carry you forward.

One Last Thing

If you could ask someone one question right now—just one—what would it be?

Write it down.
Then send it.
Not to a “mentor.” Just to someone you admire.

Because clarity doesn’t come from waiting. It comes from asking.